Sex Addict's Long Journey from Desperate Disconnection to Genuine Intimacy

Instead, just refuse to let sexual compulsions control you. You learn how to rein in your sexual behaviours. Then, pleasurable sexual activity will induce feelings of joy and fulfillment instead of guilt, shame or depression..

Know that you need not forgo having sex forever if you are struggling overcome sexual addiction.
Instead,  just refuse to let sexual compulsions control you. You learn how to rein in your sexual behaviours. Then, pleasurable sexual activity will induce feelings of joy and fulfillment instead of guilt, shame or depression..

A skilled sex therapist can effectively help you move forward toward this goal of moving beyond disconnection to establishing true intimacy with your Self and your partner.

Within the confines of an intimate relationship, the issue of sexual addiction may deeply damage your psyche and relationships but resolution and  recovery are possible when one is willing to do the work.
According to the media, documented causes of sex addiction can include:
  • A genetic predisposition to emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and thrill-seeking behavior.
  • Higher levels of sex hormones leading to a hyperactive libido.
  • Exposure to sexual content at an early age.
  • Untreated mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
Some folks exhibiting such behaviors may resemble what popular culture has deemed sex addiction but much more fly under the radar.

Not everyone with high levels of sex hormones seeks out compulsive sex, nor will everyone exposed to sexual content at an early age. If so, a population explosion of sex addicts would occur in the near future due to the proliferation of porn.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5, )sex addiction is not clinically diagnosable; however, many people clearly engage in a compulsive, overtly sexualized behaviors without any regard to the consequences of their actions.

Why does one develop an overwhelming desire for sexual encounters while being fully cognizant that their self-serving actions can potentially harm both their partner and themselves? What motivates a sex to act out in this self-destructive way?

Over the years, I have discussed this subject in depth with thousands of individuals and couples. Today,  I am convinced that the singular driver for compulsive sexual behavior is one's fear of intimacy and inherent inability to forge deep, meaningful connections with others.
This may start in infancy when an insecure attachment is formed with the child's primary caregiver, or later on in childhood when one's needs never feel truly met. This lack of intimate connection can negatively impact one's psyche. Meanwhile, in the eyes of the world, it appears that they enjoyed a stellar upbringing.
We naturally come from a connection with the All or Oneness.   When this is not confirmed in life by those around us in our formative years, we crave this connection and actively seek it in other forms. We may simply numb ourselves with a host of available distractions; i.e, food, work, substance abuse, shopping, cyber porn drama, etc.

In order to cope with feeling unmet, you may even opt to shut down to varying degrees to keep others out and emotionally at bay.

Sadly, this only deepens your sense of isolation, thus increasing your desperate craving for the elusive connection and intimacy you seek.

A distinction exists between having sex versus making love. Indeed, during a healthy, heated lovemaking session, your heart bursts open and you let our partner in. You feel a loving connection to your Divine Self and possess a keen desire to share this with your significant other. When your partner shares this same emotional space, a lovemaking session morphs into exhilarating, confirming event.  Within it, a sense of completion and confirmation of your genuine connection will arise that you both feel beyond the boudoir.
couple tantra painting
Conversely, mechanical sex is an egocentric act, void of any rue connection. It's all about how a casual sexual encounter or hook up can satisfy your own basic sexual needs.  In fact, you can be totally shut down to your partner emotionally and still sexually perform reasonably well; however,  the dismal lack of connection will produce no confirmation. Such an empty orgasm just leaves you feeling unfulfilled, yearning for more.

Having sex can afford you a momentary sense of pseudo-connection, which then evaporates into thin air. Typically, this is what constitutes the framework for a potential sex addiction.
Through their many brief liaisons and casual encounters, compulsive sexual addicts crave intimacy and connection, yet they just find a sense of exhilaration with the thrill of the chase and ultimate act. In the end, however,  they are left feeling empty and disconnected, trapped in a cold, vicious cycle of going nowhere.
If they put on the brakes long enough to honestly assess what is going on, the sex addict has good odds for recovery under the guidance of a trained professional who can provide clarity for them. This newfound awareness enables them to honestly address their pain and embrace life once again.

At this point, the sex addict's neediness will rapidly subside as they develop the genuine relationship(s). They, they may regain not only a sense of connection with others but also with themselves.

+Prof: Koti Madhav Balu Chowdary


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ॐ THE YOGI GUIDE ॐ: Sex Addict's Long Journey from Desperate Disconnection to Genuine Intimacy
Sex Addict's Long Journey from Desperate Disconnection to Genuine Intimacy
Instead, just refuse to let sexual compulsions control you. You learn how to rein in your sexual behaviours. Then, pleasurable sexual activity will induce feelings of joy and fulfillment instead of guilt, shame or depression..
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ॐ THE YOGI GUIDE ॐ
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